dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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