What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
