I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
how drunk are you?
Several
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
