What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
