I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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