The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
