just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
