i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
