question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
