i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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