Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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