I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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