she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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