I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
