AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
