I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
