Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
