Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
