i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
