went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
