I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
