But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
