I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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