if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
