I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I will be naked everywhere
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
