He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I supernannyed him into submission
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
