Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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