I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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