I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
