I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
