i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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