Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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