he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
