stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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