i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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