I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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