I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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