i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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