is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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