That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
