i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
