My hand turned me down
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
