Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
