Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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