i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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