I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You ruined the universe
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
