Nicole vs. Life
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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