A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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