I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
