Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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