remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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